*Cough, Splutter* Is This Thing On?

I apologise for not being on this blog for so long, though I'm guessing that most of you have moved on by now. Lately I've been regretting a lot of things, as far back as I can remember, and it occurs to me that if a time machine existed I would use it to stay in contact with all my friends. I've never taken having so many friends for granted (that would be madness), but I have neglected my duties over the past few years and for that I give my deepest apologies. For those it concerns, and it will be those who are thinking "Is he talking about me?", this post is for you. I doubt any of my old friends read this, and I wouldn't read it either after so long but... well, what can I say, I'm very sorry for picking the wrong side. I have been humbled by experience and wish to make amends.

Many thanks for reading, ...eh, me.

Bottom Of The Barrel, Ooo A Penny

Yes, I'm back and comfortably unemployed... I say comfortably, I actually mean desperately scrambling for a job as we speak. (And by "desperately scrambling" I mean... aiming for one job at a time...) I'm no longer in college as some of you may have heard but I haven't been kicked out the house so things look up in a weird way. (Unlike pigs, they can't look up at all.) I'm still doing the voluntary placement at Hillhead Primary, always fun, though I forgot it was Red Nose Day and am currently not wearing anything red. (Blushing doesn't count, apparently.)
On to further brighter news (oh yes, I did just say brighter) I've been going out with Kerry for two and a half months now, though I do have to check the calender regularly to see if it has been that long. (Don't scoff "Two and a half months", we're all surprised she's gone out with me for so long.)
Ladies and Gentlemen, Dr Gavin Mango wishes you a very fine Red Nose Day.

New Year... You Can Have It Happy If You Want?

Yo there, as it's a new year and all I thought I would post on this thing and then swallow a jar of honey. (What can I say, I'm in a good mood.)
General: Sooo, last year was alright, wasn't it... no, you're right, it was shite, but at least I got a laugh or two. Of course there was the usual drama, someones life was temporarily ruined and cunts started dancing on the band wagon. I got annoyed, you got annoyed, it was hardly the best start to a year for some. I did, however, have a fantastic time going out with Ais, whom I do believe is my best friend, though it would help if she stopped trying kill me... is she trying to tell me something?
Social: The end of the year had a kind of a down note to it though, for me anyway, though my social life seems to have picked up where my "sad-loner" life left off. No-one can say I'm complaining about that. In other news I have made an abundance of new friends, they are as follows... in chronological order:
Bo,
Dean,
Liam,
Kerry. (Yes, for me that is an abundance.)
Dave has taken on the title of "Bastard Dave", for those who don't already know or weren't intelligent enough to guess, Harrison finally got a mobile, which is just another means for him not to contact us with.
Romance: Yes, it's true folks, for those of you who don't read the scandal pages and go for more quality reading, Ais and Harrison are going out, I repeat, they are going out. I know, I know, this is like finding out Hitler was Santa in disguise but you're all going to have to get over it eventually. I myself am going out with Kerry, who most of you don't know, which is all the more sadder for you.
Culture: I have started writing a... let's call it a book so I have something to aspire to, shall we. I have plans for another story, I like writing, nuff said. Harrison has introduced me to more stand-ups than I can shake a rubber chicken at and most of them seem to be of a funny disposition. I'm still adding more books to my "Yeah, I'm Going To Read It But Can't Be Bothered Right Now" pile... that situation is pretty grim.
Round-Up: Last year was overly shite for most of the people I know, for me it was verging closer to good, kinda... This year has the potential to be a good year, it's started off pretty well for most people I hang about with, except for the occasional illness and headache.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dr Gavin Mango wishes you a good year.

Just A Few Of The Best Altered Quotes

"Do not go into the bum. Stop where you are. Turn away from it. Don't even look at it."
(Poltergeist)

"A bum. Shaken, not stired."
(Goldfinger)

"You had me at 'dickings'"
(Jerry Maguire)

"But why is the dickings gone?"
(Pirates of the Carribean)

"I am serious... and don't call me God."
(Airplane!)

"I have a head for business and a God for sin."
(Working Girl)

What Ho, Fuckers

Nah, you're all wonderful people who deserve everything you get. I just noticed I hadn't posted on the old blog in a while. My party last night was... a rareing success? There were good parts, there were bad parts and there were parts that have made me... a different person.
The good parts consisted of me meeting new people, Bo and Dean, whom are good fun. The bad parts involved people not turning up, but meh, t'was them missing out. I'd rather not talk about the last aspect of the party, just to say it was worse than bad.
I'm increasing my hours at the primary school, which will help me both with getting work experience and just general sanity. This means I'm *cough* decreasing my hours at college, again for sanitys sake.
On a seperate not, though loosly linked to "Further Education", we, as students (or otherwise) are of an age where we don't follow the same social rules as we did when we were younger. This is the case and some of you still faff about whispering secrets and sneaking about. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE ON?
Anyway, before this becomes a rant about how some of you are as immature as a bunch of kindergarten retards I will leave it at that. Have a nice one y'all.

The Mighty Battle Of Green

It's currently 4:20a.m. and I can't get to sleep for reasons more depressing than the concept of a kitten glued in front of a steamroller but now seems as good a time as any to document the daring quest of two would-be "heros".
The story begins on a typical weekday, nothing out of the ordinary at all...or so I thought. I made my way over to A's house (yes, I'm still using the "initial" system) for some gaming and fun I remembered that he had mentioned an evil plant that he had been told to conquer. I had agreed to help, thinking it be a simple task. As I made my way down the hill towards my destination my thoughts were proven VERY wrong. Before me stood a beast 16 foot in height with more natural influence over the area around it than God itself. This, I thought, was going to get tough.
I went into the house where A showed me weird and wackey things on the interweb, none of it I understood because not even he could comprehend it's vast knowledge. After a while I suggested we leave to get supplies for whatever lay ahead, trying to block the "leafy challenge" that lay in wait for us out of my mind. We ventured down to the field of Somer where we bought numerous supplies, much to A's surprise at my insane diet. We purchased them from a well known vendor whom we know as D...not V!! We headed back up to A's abode where the monsterous ivy hung ominously. We ate and drank most of our supplies (in fact I ate and drank most of my supplies) when the call of duty came upon us. We knew we had to fight...
The tools of war were given to us as we prepared for battle, neither of us knowing if we would make it back. We used a surprise entrance to the battlefield which gave us the upper hand. At first we tried a turn based system of attack against the plant, we soon realised this was geting us nowhere. I was equiped with the tiny "Cutters of Truth"(+1) which I used effectivly to clear away the bottom section of green coverage to reveal the monsters source, The Root. Little is know about The Root itself, some say it has surpassed it's pot, planting itself into the hard ground below. Others say it has made it's way under the house, plotting to break through and start it's world takeover bid. All are just hearsay and rumours, what was truely known was it had to be stopped. The upper body of the beast was cut off from it's cursed root by A with great precision and skill, leaving only The Pipe to be delt with. What is the pipe, you ask (you probably have if you've bothered to read this far), it was what the the planthad used to climb up the building all these years. It had intertwined with it so much rust and wood had become one, making a sort of "Rood" or "Wust" substance. What ever it was it would prove to be too much for us, unless we came up with a plan fast.
I headed for higher ground, knowing that it had to be tackled from both ends. This move proved useful as the branches had taken a firm hold an by cutting them loose it allowed A to start the "tug-o-war" process, ever increasingly ripping the creature away from it's suspended lair. More had to me cut and hacked until It was revealed, The Heart. The very centre of it all, the branches and vines had entwined themselves with each other and the pipe, making an enforced defence against attacks, just revealing it was a battle enough. However, not willing (or allowed) to admit defeat, we pressed on the the attack. The Heart took many cuts to remove but eventually it came loose, allowing us to take the rest of the plant with it. It lay defeated, in a mess of leaves and twigs, awaiting it's final curtain.
The clean-up isn't interesting enough to document, only mention, and myself and A went in to get our celebration on, which happened to be gaming (don't judge us).

I would like to add that I do not, and never will, condon the use of violence against either animal or plant life. In this case the builders were coming round and the area needed to be cleared. Though contry to the details given in the tale, there was no spite towards the afore mentioned plant, it was even liked as it gave the builing character, says A. I apologise if any of the content within the story has offended viewers.
Signing off: 5:30a.m. (and I still can't sleep).

Caffine Induced Hell, It's The 10th Circle

I'm sitting here jittering cause of the overdose of caffine I took earlier, not literally obviously, it just feels like it. It doesn't help when your trying not to think about something, all you can do is think and think until all you want to do is blow you fucking brains all over your wall. These are troubling times, I think I need to scream, that may be the caffine talking but I'm not so sure. If I don't scream I'm definatly going to hit something, weither it be human or otherwise. Not without good reason, of course, but it will happen and when it does I'll feel better.