Come Work At "Gav's Fun-o-rama", Formely "Gav's Slave-o-rama"

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you can buy better clothes, and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor; you are able to come to work.

Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for their lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal sized people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average form. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.

We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

I Go By Many Names...

Gavin Christopher Patterson's Aliases

Your movie star name: Sweets Ronald Your fashion designer name is Gavin Paris Your socialite name is Rabbi Johnson Glasgow Your fly girl / guy name is G Pat Your detective name is Dragon Hillhead Your barfly name is Marzipan Beer Your soap opera name is Christopher Kersland Your rock star name is Yorkies Bullet Your Star Wars name is Gavoti Patais Your punk rock band name is The Bored Oblong

The Amazing Meganame Generator

Back On Track, Baby

I feel unusually empowered lately, I've been a right dipshit for the past couple of weeks. As before, if you don't know what I'm talking about then you ain't gonna but take my word for it, I'm a changed man...obviously not completely, I'm still as lovable as ever. Fuck, I've even been listening to cheery goddamn music, it's fan-fucking-tastic. Have a good one y'all.