The Mighty Battle Of Green

It's currently 4:20a.m. and I can't get to sleep for reasons more depressing than the concept of a kitten glued in front of a steamroller but now seems as good a time as any to document the daring quest of two would-be "heros".
The story begins on a typical weekday, nothing out of the ordinary at all...or so I thought. I made my way over to A's house (yes, I'm still using the "initial" system) for some gaming and fun I remembered that he had mentioned an evil plant that he had been told to conquer. I had agreed to help, thinking it be a simple task. As I made my way down the hill towards my destination my thoughts were proven VERY wrong. Before me stood a beast 16 foot in height with more natural influence over the area around it than God itself. This, I thought, was going to get tough.
I went into the house where A showed me weird and wackey things on the interweb, none of it I understood because not even he could comprehend it's vast knowledge. After a while I suggested we leave to get supplies for whatever lay ahead, trying to block the "leafy challenge" that lay in wait for us out of my mind. We ventured down to the field of Somer where we bought numerous supplies, much to A's surprise at my insane diet. We purchased them from a well known vendor whom we know as D...not V!! We headed back up to A's abode where the monsterous ivy hung ominously. We ate and drank most of our supplies (in fact I ate and drank most of my supplies) when the call of duty came upon us. We knew we had to fight...
The tools of war were given to us as we prepared for battle, neither of us knowing if we would make it back. We used a surprise entrance to the battlefield which gave us the upper hand. At first we tried a turn based system of attack against the plant, we soon realised this was geting us nowhere. I was equiped with the tiny "Cutters of Truth"(+1) which I used effectivly to clear away the bottom section of green coverage to reveal the monsters source, The Root. Little is know about The Root itself, some say it has surpassed it's pot, planting itself into the hard ground below. Others say it has made it's way under the house, plotting to break through and start it's world takeover bid. All are just hearsay and rumours, what was truely known was it had to be stopped. The upper body of the beast was cut off from it's cursed root by A with great precision and skill, leaving only The Pipe to be delt with. What is the pipe, you ask (you probably have if you've bothered to read this far), it was what the the planthad used to climb up the building all these years. It had intertwined with it so much rust and wood had become one, making a sort of "Rood" or "Wust" substance. What ever it was it would prove to be too much for us, unless we came up with a plan fast.
I headed for higher ground, knowing that it had to be tackled from both ends. This move proved useful as the branches had taken a firm hold an by cutting them loose it allowed A to start the "tug-o-war" process, ever increasingly ripping the creature away from it's suspended lair. More had to me cut and hacked until It was revealed, The Heart. The very centre of it all, the branches and vines had entwined themselves with each other and the pipe, making an enforced defence against attacks, just revealing it was a battle enough. However, not willing (or allowed) to admit defeat, we pressed on the the attack. The Heart took many cuts to remove but eventually it came loose, allowing us to take the rest of the plant with it. It lay defeated, in a mess of leaves and twigs, awaiting it's final curtain.
The clean-up isn't interesting enough to document, only mention, and myself and A went in to get our celebration on, which happened to be gaming (don't judge us).

I would like to add that I do not, and never will, condon the use of violence against either animal or plant life. In this case the builders were coming round and the area needed to be cleared. Though contry to the details given in the tale, there was no spite towards the afore mentioned plant, it was even liked as it gave the builing character, says A. I apologise if any of the content within the story has offended viewers.
Signing off: 5:30a.m. (and I still can't sleep).